I would venture to say besides money, jealousy is the number one cause of strife in any relationship. I've never spoken with a couple or even a single person entertaining a relationship that did not mention the difficulties of dealing with jealousy.         We are living in a time of immediate access to all types of information. Social media is a blessing and a curse, especially for a relationship. I've often told my children if they want to keep their relationship intact, they needed to ditch all social media!         If you are reading this and you are struggling with jealousy, you are not alone. Your pain will not be minimized. The Bible talks a lot about jealousy and the reason it's mentioned so often, is due to the immense impact it can have on your physical and spiritual wellbeing.         I dealt with jealousy a little bit in high school, and it wasn't until I became single ten years ago, that I really felt the impact of social media. Trying to date and be special to someone and knowing they are talking to several other women, was extremely difficult for me. I did not grow up with social media and I married the man I dated in High School. I also grew up in a small town, so if anyone cheated, you can bet your friends will tell you!         Dating was a nightmare, but getting into a relationship and having issues with jealousy was a long battle. Without heavy painful details, all I can really say is it is the one thing that tested my mental, spiritual and physical health the most.        Jesus warns the dangers of jealousy in the Bible. He compares it to a wildfire, and as always, he is right! I believe it is vital for every Christian to understand the real reason why Jesus warns heavily about a jealous heart. Let me tell you what a jealous heart is NOT, according to the Bible1. It is not faithful2. It is not trustingWhat a jealous heart IS1. It is Idolizing2. It is consuming3. It is envious4. It is hateful6. It is rage        Trust me when I say how hard it was to really, really subscribe and believe everything that was true about jealousy. Our minds are hard to control and when something happends that sends you into a jealous rage, roping those emotions and thoughts back in are nearly impossible, and that is why I emphasize the importance of what I am about to tell you on how to STOP it, before it gets out of control.1st- Recognize your thought and feelings the moment something happens to cause the jealousy. Most likely this will be an incident. You found something out and now the adrenaline is pumping through your veins and your thoughts are moving at the speed of light. I can't emphasize the importance of pumping the breaks right now. You are traumatized. In the moment you are not okay. You are not going to be okay right now and you need to get yourself under control.I advise the following1. Call someone you trust2. Call your pastor or a prayer line3. Read scripture. Pick up the Bible and pray.2nd-Think long term affects of every action you are thinking about taking. As humans we want justice, we want to seek revenge. Don't push those emotions aside and try to be tough. Recognize this as a default human reaction to pain. It is okay to feel like revenge, it's not okay to act on those thoughts. Remember, Jesus was tempted in EVERY way, which means he was jealous, he felt heartache, he knows you are suffering. This is the time to rest in the fact, that he knows and he cares for you. This helps me a lot, no matter what I face in life. God knows you are hurt, and now you have to do what he says and trust him. If you are married, it is vital that you think of the long-term impact of your decisions. You want to see this person at the end of your life, so act in a way that safeguards your forever! You may not feel like protecting them right now, but I promise you there will come a day you'll be glad you did!3rd-Chose your actions wisely. I promise you, the wrong approach to the situation will cause you even more suffering. You need to have the tough conversation with the person that hurt you, and most likely, you will only hurt more.         I promise you that you will not feel less pain. You will likely be lied to about details, in order to spare the offender the pain of seeing you in even more pain and this will feel like a double whammy. Be prepared, because this is another default human behavior. We defend and protect ourselves a lot of the time at the expense of others.         I can tell you the right thing for the offender to do, but it's not something that comes natural to most people. The offender will feel better if they confess, because the Bible promises relief to those that confess, but trust me, it's a life skill that takes a lifetime to learn!      So, now you are being told half-truths. What you decide in these moments are important. You have a choice. You can look at the offender with compassion and acknowledge their fear, or you can punish them. You can dig deeper, uncover all the lies and manipulation or you can rest. You can STOP and REST. This is the most important thing to your spiritual wellbeing. It is not your problem to fix or solve if you do hear lies. God specializes in the human heart and no matter what is being said to you, no matter how much you want to fight about it, God's got this!        There is nothing else for you to do, except show who God is through your actions and that action should be to FORGIVE and to do it quickly. It doesn't mean you have to trust right away, but it does mean you have to move forward with a compassionate heart towards your offender.        You see, it is easy to get caught up in how wrong the person is in front of you, but you also need to fast forward and know that one day, you may also need forgiveness. You may also seek compassion for your downfalls. 4th-Actually move forward in a forgiving manner. Say this over and over if you need to. "Let go, and let God". Our minds need the reassurance that we do not have to scramble to make the wrongs right. 5th-Rest peacefully in your decision to act with compassion and forgiveness. Your relationship is likely to get better, and even if things did get worse for awhile, you can rest, knowing you acted in faithfulness and those things do not go un-rewarded!Conclusion-You will be overwhelmed with tempting thoughts and all are ways the devil works to destroy families and relationships. You always have to keep in mind that we are ALL working against the devil every second of everyday. The devil will hate your reaction to this common issue. The good news, you have a choice! You can fight fire with fire, by not only praying for yourself, but also, praying for the people that wronged you. This is definitely an extremely difficult thing to do, but it is possible. The people I was jealous of, that hurt me, now receive my prayers, because they too were tempted by same devil that gets up early to tempt me! 

Submit a Comment

Log in to comment or register here